


Depressing Poetry

by jaxxen_cheney



Category: idk - Fandom
Genre: Depressing Poetry, Other, suicide warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 05:28:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 50
Words: 9,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16804540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaxxen_cheney/pseuds/jaxxen_cheney
Summary: Oof old cringy depressing poetry, don't read. I'll make a new one when I have enough motivation.





	1. All Clear! (EXPLICIT)

All clears scare me  
Because  
He held me down  
AND RIPPED THE TEETH FROM MY MOUTH!  
She held me down  
Against the ground  
AND FUCKING UNZIPPED MY SHIRT!  
He shoved me up against the desk  
Threw a basketball at my head  
THERE WERE THREE OF THEM!  
She held me by the throat  
Against the wall  
SHE MADE ME CHOKE!  
He threw me down  
Against the ground   
BECAUSE I GOT TOO CLOSE!


	2. Break (EXPLICIT)

Just when you think you’re safe  
They come for you  
They expose your secrets  
To the world  
Adults  
Share everything  
Amongst themselves  
They can’t keep a secret  
Fifth graders  
Can break with one word  
Sixth graders  
Doesn’t take much effort  
Seventh graders  
Quite hard to hurt  
Eighth graders  
Very impressive  
You can’t break them  
‘Till you hit that one button  
Yet I broke every single fucking person  
They all reached their limits  
‘Till they told someone  
Then came the pain  
The pain of betrayal  
Just when you think you’re safe  
Your secrets are exposed  
To the world


	3. Break My Heart (CLEAN)

Break my heart  
Into a million pieces  
Shattered  
Fractured  
I’m broken  
What have you done?  
I’m so used to closing my heart off  
It’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing  
You cut me open  
And I keep bleeding  
My heart’s broken  
Nobody can put me back together  
But again  
Nobody’s tried  
To fix me  
I’m broken  
Inside  
Now, goodbye


	4. Can't (EXPLICIT)

I can’t control him any longer  
He wants to be free  
He wants to hurt  
Me, you  
Either would work  
I’m going to let him out  
Free him from his cage  
Since there’s no point in keeping my level  
Since I’m not getting out  
I’m going to bang my head against the wall  
Scream until I get restrained  
I’m sorry for whatever I say or do  
Once I let him loose  
I can’t control what he does  
I’ve been fighting him for fourteen years  
Each day full of pain  
I can’t fight anymore  
It’s not me  
What I’m about to do  
I’m sorry I can’t take it  
I’m sorry for what I’m about to do  
You have to be the one to stop me  
No one else can  
Not even me  
I’m so sorry


	5. Control (EXPLICIT)

It would be so easy  
To let him take control  
Let my anger go  
Let him make me scream  
Scream my lungs out  
Bang my head against the wall  
Completely lose my shit  
Let my monsters free  
Free to roam  
Free to hurt  
Punch a wall  
Smash something  
I do not care at all!  
He wants to get restrained   
He wants to scream  
He wants to hurt others   
And maybe even me  
He wants me to be free  
Give into the rage  
Not give a flying fuck about life  
Set my demons loose  
Maybe on me   
Maybe   
On you


	6. Dead (CLEAN)

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder   
But really it just fills you with dread  
The dread that someone you love will leave you   
The fear that they want you dead  
Every day away from them  
Tearing apart your soul  
Taking over your mid  
With the voices inside your head   
Whispering they want you dead  
The terror  
It takes over your mind  
Growing like a cancer  
Growing to obsession  
They hated you  
That’s why they left  
But why  
You ask yourself  
Did they have to leave you?  
You know why  
You know  
And it was by no fault of their own  
Please don’t leave  
Don’t leave me alone  
I’m so scared of judgement  
I’m so scared to be alone  
Please don’t come after me  
I want to be alone  
But really I needed you  
But you left  
Please stay  
But the voices inside your head are whispering  
They want you dead  
They get so loud  
Consuming you  
Screaming inside your head  
THEY WANT YOU DEAD  
THEY WANT YOU DEAD  
THEY WANT YOU DEAD  
THEY WANT YOU DEAD   
They say  
Why did you do this?  
This terrible, terrible thing  
Why did you have to say that?  
These terrible, terrible words  
Those terrible, terrible thoughts inside my head  
Growing and growing ‘till I think they want me dead  
I’ll never see them again  
I know, I know  
I wish they didn’t have to leave  
But they had to  
They had to  
The hatred in their eyes that one last time as they left  
It haunts me  
Their eyes are beautiful  
But they scare me  
So filled with hate  
So filled with loathing  
You know they want you dead  
You know it, you know it  
It’s all your fault  
Scream the voices inside your head  
Whispering they want you dead  
There they are, standing there  
Waiting for something  
You don’t know  
You want to scream  
To run  
To breathe  
To jump  
To leave  
They turn around  
Eyes filled with loathing  
But no  
Their eyes are sad  
Haunted  
Eyes filled with depression  
No, they want you dead  
Scream the voices inside your head  
What if they never hated you after all?  
Hate to the point they want you dead  
Scream the voices inside your head  
Please help me  
Please, please!  
I don’t want you to leave  
I don’t want you to die  
Stay alive, stay alive for me  
Just come with me  
They say  
Taking your hand  
You’re screaming, screaming  
What’s wrong?  
They ask  
The voices are screaming you want me dead  
It’s true  
It is, it is!  
Why did I do this?  
Why did I say it?  
Why did I do this?  
Please don’t hate me!  
The voices stop  
Calming you down  
Are you okay?  
The voices get loud  
Screaming they hate you  
Never loved  
Just kill yourself  
It would make this better  
The only solution  
The only problem  
You  
They really care  
Don’t they?  
But this day  
You don’t believe them  
It’s way too late  
But they care  
They really do  
You don’t deserve the hate  
You don’t deserve the beatings  
You don’t deserve the glares in the hallway  
You don’t deserve the pain  
Believe me  
Please  
You’re worth it  
They say to you  
The voices go silent

So are you


	7. Dead 2 (CLEAN)

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but really is just fills you with dread. The dread that someone you love will leave you, the fear that they want you dead. Day after day away from them, eating up your soul, tearing apart your mind, falling into negativity with the voices inside you head whispering they want you dead. The dread that they will leave you, the cancer, the thought, it grows in your mind, filling you up with the dread that they want you dead. You’ll never see them again, you think to yourself. They hate you, they hate you, say the voices inside your head, whispering until you think they want you dead. The fear, it consumes you, like the voices inside. Killing you slowly, the terror, the fear, the dread that they want you dead. They hate you, never loved. Nobody can love you, you’re too twisted, too dark, too obsessive, say the voices inside your head, whispering they want you dead. It has to stop. Why did it begin? The touching of shoulders in the hallway, the meeting of eyes, words being spoken for the first time. Their eyes, so beautiful, haunt you while you sleep. They terrorize you, filling you with the dread that they want you dead. But there, at last, you see them again. Then you remember those eyes, these terrible, terrible eyes, the eyes that haunt you, the eyes that fill you with the dread that they want you dead. As they turn around, eyes filled with loathing, the voices inside your head get loud. The words are whispered one last time, “I want you to die.”


	8. Demons (CLEAN)

Sometimes   
When you’re alone  
Your thoughts wander  
Your demons  
Come out to play  
They follow you  
Like shadows  
Haunting you  
Taunting you  
Hiding in the shadows  
Waiting to pounce  
When you’re weak  
When you’re on your knees  
They come  
Tearing your soul apart  
Invading your mind  
Relentless  
Unstoppable  
They come  
From the shadows  
From the dark  
From the night  
From me  
Taunting  
Haunting  
The demons come  
Hate  
Fear  
Envy  
Dread  
Terror  
All these feelings  
In your head  
Your demons  
They’re here  
Waiting  
In the darkness  
Waiting   
For you to come near  
Waiting   
For when you’re weak  
Waiting   
To come get you  
Waiting  
For you to fall apart  
They’re here  
They’re here to take you  
Into the night  
Gone  
Without  
A  
trace


	9. Depressed (CLEAN)

I make myself depressed  
Just thinking of you  
I didn’t mean to hurt you  
Yet I did  
I screwed it up  
It’s all my fault  
Say the voices in my head   
Each time we part  
It breaks my heart  
I’m sorry, my dear  
I don’t mean to act  
The way I do  
Isn’t it sad  
That I can’t feel  
Something for you  
I want to have emotions  
And I care about you  
But I can’t  
I feel so horrible  
Thinking of you  
You make me so happy  
But I have to pretend  
Like that isn’t true  
So I don’t get in trouble  
I have to pretend  
I love no one  
But you’re the one I care about  
I’ll keep you in my heart  
Forever and always  
We’ll never be apart  
As long as I remember you


	10. Everything's Alright (CLEAN)

Everything’s alright  
You say to me  
Everything’s going to be okay  
Maybe not today  
But eventually  
He said to me  
But really, is it?  
You’re gone  
I’m gone  
Mentally insane  
I won’t ever see you again  
I was the problem  
The problem’s been fixed  
Taken away  
No end in sight  
Please don’t leave  
I’m so scared  
Scared to be lonely  
Scared of judgment  
I don’t want to go  
I don’t want to cry  
I never got a chance  
To say goodbye  
My friend  
I’ll leave you again  
But I guess  
We’ll never cross paths  
So the story ends  
You and me  
Not meant to be  
Broken  
I’m sorry  
My baby  
I’ll never see you  
Never again  
I can’t let it happen  
I didn’t mean to hurt you  
But I did anyway  
I’m sorry  
To this day  
Goodbye, my baby


	11. Don't Let Go (EXPLICIT)

Your eyes  
Look like the summer sky  
Your face  
Is that of an angel  
I know you don’t love me  
But that’s okay  
All I’m here for is to say  
I wish I could remember  
The good times  
Like they ever happened  
I wish we could just  
Fix this mess  
I wish my demons  
Could just disappear  
Into the night  
Forever  
Dying  
That’s what I am  
Without you  
I’m nothing  
I wish I knew  
Why you left me  
But you don’t care  
Like you’d really  
Care about my life  
Whether I lived  
Or died   
I wish sometimes  
I could be happy  
With you  
But I can’t   
I don’t care  
That you don’t like me  
I know  
That you hate me  
You just don’t care  
But I do  
So please  
Leave me if you have to  
We don’t have to be friends  
This can end  
If you want it to  
I’m sorry for bringing it up  
My suicidal thoughts  
You say you care  
You do, you do  
But it’s just so hard  
To believe you  
When you told me to do it  
To cut my wrists  
To swallow the pills   
To jump  
To die  
Just to be gone   
From your life  
I know I won’t see you again  
And I care  
I really do  
I pretend I don’t  
I care about you  
Just don’t leave me  
I’m scared to be alone  
I don’t want to die  
You’d be surprised  
Knowing it would hurt you  
But I would   
Knowing you’d be satisfied  
With my death  
I know  
You don’t deserve the pain  
You don’t deserve the hate  
You don’t deserve people  
Breaking you down  
I love you  
But I can’t show it  
I do  
I hope you know it  
Just please  
Don’t let go  
Ever


	12. Emotional Things (EXPLICIT)

I freeze  
When I see you  
My heart beating fast  
My body overheating  
My face flushed  
Shaking  
How you do this to me  
I don’t know  
You’re beautiful  
And it shows  
It’s so hard  
Not to see you  
For so long  
I shouldn’t like you  
It’s so wrong  
I’m obsessed  
I need to stop  
It’s hard sometimes  
When someone is older  
Than you  
And you fall  
For them  
It’s hard to not like you  
When you’re so pretty  
You’re absolutely amazing  
But I can’t tell you  
It must freak you out  
To have a little 14-year-old boy   
Like you  
In ways  
He shouldn’t   
I’m sorry  
That you feel this way  
I can’t help it, really  
Maybe it goes with  
That you’re so pretty  
I want to know you better  
But that would weird you out  
I feel like  
We have much in common  
But I just pushed you away  
I know I can’t   
Tell you how I feel  
It’s not love  
But obsession  
And something more  
I just gravitate towards you  
By something unknown  
Something inside you  
A spark  
I saw  
And you don’t know  
How much you mean to me  
My penguin  
My baby boy  
My T******


	13. Forever (EXPLICIT)

Those cuts  
Are a reminder  
Of the hate  
You faced  
Every single day  
These scars  
Are a reminder  
Of the hate  
You endured   
Before  
You ended it  
You were worth it  
You didn’t know  
How much I cared  
It’s too late now  
I couldn’t save you  
I couldn’t tell you  
How much I loved you  
But I do  
You slipped away  
But you’re in my heart  
And you’re never leaving  
Forever  
And ever


	14. You're The Only Person (CLEAN)

You’re the only person  
Who’s ever called me beautiful  
Others call me pretty, cute  
Even adorable   
But you called me beautiful  
I wish I could’ve said goodbye to you  
But now I can’t  
Sometimes goodbyes are forever  
I wish you knew  
I cared about you  
But in the end  
I never said a word  
I didn’t say goodbye  
That’s my fault, my dear  
Don’t be sad  
I’m here for you  
I’ll catch you if you fall  
Call me beautiful  
But I’m not   
I’m a monster  
Just naturally bad  
You’re the one   
Who’s really beautiful   
Inside and out  
Messed up or not  
I care about you  
I know I shouldn’t   
But I do  
I’m sorry  
For feeling something  
When I’m not supposed to  
I’m so used to being punished  
For caring about someone  
It’s a normal human emotion  
But most people can’t see  
I can love  
There’s more I can be  
Than just a monster  
I want to be able to feel  
I do  
But it’s scary  
When I get sad I get depressed  
When I’m angry I feel rage  
There’s a coldness in my heart  
I’ve got to be brave  
I feel the pain  
Deep inside my heart  
I want to care  
But it’s so hard  
When people tell me I can’t   
Please don’t go  
I care  
I just don’t know how to show  
My emotions  
Without hurting someone  
Without breaking a heart  
I’m just too different  
I’m sorry  
For being me


	15. Your Face Fades From My Memory (CLEAN)

Your face fades from my memory  
Faster than I want it to  
I couldn’t remember what you look like  
Even if I wanted to   
It’d be so bittersweet  
To see you again  
Though the chances are slim  
I think we’re friends  
But again, I’m not sure  
In the end  
I knew you cared  
When I saw you last  
The last time we talked   
What’s in the past  
Happened between you and me  
But the past is the past  
But the future is new   
Not for me   
But maybe for you  
Forgiveness is hard  
Forgetting is easy  
Every word, every text  
I wish I could do that  
But really, I can’t   
I wonder if you can  
Forgive me fully  
After all the wrongdoings  
It’s kind of silly  
To think that others  
Could forget  
What I’ve done to you  
I’m sorry, yet  
They don’t understand  
What you mean to me  
You were my light  
My only thing left  
You kept me holding on  
‘Till the darkness left  
But it’s back, you see  
And you’re not around  
I wish we could talk  
But I’m trapped in this place  
Do you ever give a thought  
To where I am  
What I’m going through  
How much I’ve changed  
Do you want to?  
Remember me  
Please don’t forget  
I’m so scared to be lonely  
So scared of judgement  
I’m sorry, my darling  
But all things have an end  
Including us  
But I hope  
That day never comes  
When you forget me  
I think of you every single day  
I keep you in my heart  
Hoping, wishing  
You’ll come back to me  
Who am I kidding?  
You don’t text back  
You never call  
Sometimes I feel  
You don’t remember me at all  
You saved my life  
And for that I must thank you  
When the darkness tried to claim me  
You were the only one  
Who said they cared  
Who broke the trance  
My life was spared  
Come back to me, dear  
Please don’t leave  
It’ll be okay  
Just stay with me  
The roses are red  
The violets are still blue  
They’ll be here a while  
And so  
Should  
You


	16. You Don't Know Me (CLEAN)

You see my smile  
Not my pain  
You see my skin  
Not my scars  
You see my face  
Not my thoughts  
My scars are on the inside  
My brain   
Is forever damaged  
I didn’t tell a soul  
She wasn’t strong  
Just strong than me  
She held me down  
“Don’t tell anyone”  
And I didn’t   
I didn’t tell a soul  
Nobody knows  
My head hurts  
Just writing this   
I want to cry  
I want to-  
Well, we can’t say that, now can we?  
I’m not getting put in yellow  
Not again  
I have too much to lose  
They were stronger than me  
All three of them  
They tossed me around  
Like I was nothing  
Throw a basketball at my face  
Make me bleed  
I don’t care  
Deep down, I do  
It hurts  
They drove me to the edge  
See?  
I have scars  
You don’t know me  
Pretend like you do  
But really, in the end  
Did you?


	17. Goodbye (CLEAN)

I’m sorry   
For all the times I let you down  
I’m sorry  
For all the times I fell apart  
Into little pieces  
On the ground  
Tears, slipping through my hands  
Down my cheeks  
To the ground  
I can’t get a grip  
And I can’t let go  
Waiting on that last text  
Tell me you’re okay  
But if it never comes  
I don’t know what to say  
I’m sorry  
For all the tears  
I’m sorry  
For all the pain  
I’m sorry  
It had to be this way  
I’m sorry  
For being insane  
In my head  
Broken  
Nothing left  
I wish I could say goodbye to you  
Or say hello again  
But I can’t even talk to you  
It’s just really depressing  
I wish I could just hold you  
In my arms one last time  
I wish I could look into your eyes  
Just like that very last night  
There’s an ex in next  
There’s an end in friend  
There’s an over in lover  
And there’s nothing left  
I wish I could be with you  
One last time  
But I can’t  
So  
Goodbye


	18. Happier (CLEAN)

Would you be happier  
If I left?  
I want to raise your spirits  
I want to see you smile  
Know that means I’ll have to leave  
Maybe it’d be better  
To not feel something  
For you  
It just leads to trouble  
So I’ll go  
I’ll go  
I will go, go, go  
Now are you happy?  
I’m gone  
There’s nothing left to say  
So I shut my mouth  
So won’t you tell me, babe  
Are you happy now?


	19. Hate (EXPLICIT)

We used to be so close  
I wonder what happened  
It’s so funny that  
Someone who meant so much to me last year  
Can be just a stranger now  
And someone who was just a stranger last year  
Can mean so much now  
I wonder  
If I ever crossed your mind  
While you cut  
While you jumped  
While you were so busy  
Hating yourself  
You couldn’t see  
How much you meant to me  
I mean nothing to you  
But you are my world  
I wish you would notice me  
But you hate yourself too much  
To realize  
Someone cares  
Someone really does  
I wish  
You would love me back  
But you don’t   
It breaks my heart  
To see you this way  
Broken  
Lost  
You’re worth it  
But you can’t see it  
I wish  
You weren’t depressed  
You’re loved  
But you don’t know it  
Hold on  
I’ll be there for you


	20. Him (EXPLICIT)

He’s my other side  
He wants to hurt me  
He wants me to hurt others  
He wants me to hurt myself  
He wants to make me lose control  
He wants me to get hurt  
He’s going to make me scream  
He’s going to make me hurt myself  
He’s going to make me hurt them  
He’s going to make me lose it  
He doesn’t want me to have anything  
He wants me to be free  
I can barely control him  
He’s hidden under a smile  
Under perfect behavior  
Behind eyes filled with hidden pain  
In a body that’s failing  
Inside my mind  
He’s a part of me  
And I can’t get rid of him  
He’s the voice inside  
Killing me  
Making me want to hurt them  
I don’t want to   
But I do  
Please help  
He’s making me go crazy  
I want to give in to the hate  
To anger  
To darkness  
To lose it all  
I want to give up  
And hurt someone  
I’m going to get restrained  
And I don’t want to  
But he does  
He’s ruining me  
Help   
He won’t go away  
He won’t go to hell  
Where he belongs  
He won’t let me go  
He stays  
Screaming and whispering  
Tearing me apart  
Help  
I can’t control him  
I’ve been fighting him  
For fourteen years  
But it’s not enough  
He’s taking over  
And there’s nothing I can do  
I can’t run  
Can’t hide   
Can’t scream  
Can’t tell anyone  
What he tells me  
All the little things  
Screaming   
Whispering  
On the inside  
Killing me  
Nobody can help  
It hurts  
To keep him in  
I want to let him out  
It’s too much  
But if he comes out  
I get restrained  
I hurt someone  
And I can’t help us  
It’s killing me to keep it in  
The rage  
It’s going to consume me  
One day  
It’s going to happen  
The day when I can’t keep it in  
The pain  
The hate  
The fear  
The anger  
It makes me depressed  
Obsessed  
Suicidal  
Angry  
Hateful  
I don’t let it show  
I smile  
I don’t show the pain  
I don’t show the bad  
I don’t tell anyone  
I pretend  
I’m good at pretending  
Nothing’s going on  
He makes me obsessed  
And I can’t help it  
He makes me cry  
And I can’t help it  
He makes me want to die  
And I can’t help it  
I can’t get rid of him  
He stays  
Hateful  
Revengeful  
Wanting to hurt  
Wanting to be hurt  
He’s going to kill me  
And nobody  
Can do anything  
About it  
When he comes  
Someone’s going to hurt  
Die, even  
Me, someone else  
I don’t know  
I keep it inside  
Boiling under the surface  
Cuts let it out  
In a better way  
Than losing it all  
I can’t do that here  
It’s growing  
And it’s going to come  
Save me  
But you can’t   
Maybe I don’t want to be saved  
But I need help  
This place hasn’t made me better  
I pretend it has  
But I’m still obsessed  
I’m still depressed  
I don’t let it show  
I’ll lose it all if I do  
He wants that  
He’s going to do it  
He’s going to come out  
He’s going to come after me  
He’s going to come after them  
He’s going to hunt them  
He’s going to hurt them  
Please don’t hurt them  
I’m hurting myself  
By keeping him  
If I let him out  
If I give in  
I’ll hurt someone  
Therapy doesn’t help  
Isolation makes it worse  
I can’t socialize  
Because he’ll show  
I can’t do anything  
He might come out  
What if he hurts him  
I’ll never forgive myself  
I don’t want to hurt anyone  
But if I’m left like this  
Unloved  
He’ll hurt him  
And I can’t control it  
I’ll get restrained  
I’ll hit him  
I’ll lose it all  
I’ll scream  
I’ll flip  
I’ll get hurt  
Seriously hurt  
If he does what he says  
It scared me   
When he said it  
When he told me  
He’d smash my head into the ground  
I don’t want that  
But the voice inside  
Says I do  
I try to deny him  
But it doesn’t work  
I know I want pain  
I don’t want it  
But I do  
He’s going to make sure I get hurt  
He’s making me fall apart  
He tells me  
You’re unloved  
Worthless  
You should die  
You should hurt yourself  
He wants me to let him lose  
And it hurts so much  
I want to  
To let him free  
To hurt someone  
To bite  
Bite someone  
Make them bleed  
See blood flow  
My own   
Someone else’s  
I don’t know  
It doesn’t matter  
The lust is there  
The lust for blood  
The lust to hurt  
To be hurt   
And I can’t deny it  
Can’t you see it in my eyes?  
I want to die  
He makes me want to die  
He makes me want to hurt  
He wants to make me lose control  
And I’m going to  
After doing what I have to do  
After my sixth month  
When he comes  
I’m going to flip out  
He’s going to get hurt  
I’m going to get hurt  
He’ll never forgive me  
I’ll never forgive me  
I’m going to end up dead  
If I don’t let him out  
If I don’t let go  
If I keep him inside  
My monster  
My demon  
The part of me  
That will never go away  
He’s coming  
Get out of the way  
I don’t want to hurt you   
But he does  
Run  
Before it’s too late  
My monster  
It’s coming free  
He’s coming  
For you


	21. I Cry (CLEAN)

I cry  
The tears  
Slide down my face  
Onto my arms  
My arms sting  
Red, covered in scars  
Scars from you  
But you didn’t make me to  
This horrible thing  
That I have done  
I hurt myself  
Because of you  
Because I know  
You don’t care  
And that’s true


	22. I Have A Best Friend (CLEAN)

I have a best friend  
He is strong  
He is kind  
He is beautiful  
And he saved me  
But he doesn’t know that  
He kept me hanging on  
Through the darkness  
Through everything  
I have a best friend  
I can’t text him  
I can’t call him  
I can’t talk to him  
Face-to-face  
I wonder sometimes  
If he remembers me  
I remember him  
I have a best friend  
Who doesn’t consider me  
His best friend  
But I consider him mine  
After he saved my life  
I have a best friend  
Who I think about every day  
Wondering if he’s okay  
Wondering if he hurt himself  
Wondering if there’s anything left of him  
For me to hold on to  
I have a best friend  
Who I want to save  
I want to make him feel better  
I want to make him feel okay  
I have a best friend  
But maybe it’s too late  
You are my best friend  
You are strong  
You are kind  
You are beautiful  
You saved my life  
And now I’ll save you


	23. I Know (CLEAN)

I know I don’t have a flat chest  
I know I have curvy hips  
I know I’m just a girl to you  
And you don’t like me for this  
Maybe if you looked beneath  
At what lies under my skin  
You’d be surprised  
I’m not who you think I am  
I wish you wouldn’t judge me   
For being a girl  
When, on the inside  
I’m really a boy  
I’m trying to get better  
So I’m not so obsessive and reckless  
So I make better decisions   
And don’t get sent back to treatment   
It’s fine if you don’t accept me  
Most people don’t  
If I get out  
I hope we can be friends  
This is the last time I’ll see you  
‘Till who knows when  
I really don’t know how to end this  
But goodbye, I guess


	24. I Like Someone New (CLEAN)

I like someone new  
Doesn’t mean I’m over you  
I don’t want to leave  
I don’t want to go  
This all goes to show  
I’m obsessed with you  
I don’t want to be  
A monster, but that’s me  
I wish I didn’t   
Have these feelings  
Maybe it’d be better  
To not feel at all  
To have these emotions for you  
Means I can’t be around you  
I’m a danger  
To everyone  
And myself  
Can’t you see?   
Not meant to be  
It’s so bad  
I can’t help it, though  
I wish I could feel  
Something other than obsession  
It’s in my head  
Not my heart  
I don’t use my heart  
I don’t want it to be broken  
So I shut it up  
To anyone who tries  
To get me to open up  
To see what’s inside   
You don’t want to see  
I’m a monster  
Let me be  
I’m so used to getting hurt  
That I don’t feel anymore  
I try not to, at least  
But still the tears come  
They pour down my face  
And drip onto the ground  
That’s what happened  
When you broke my heart  
If I had one  
I’d love you, I would  
But I’m a monster  
Can’t you see?  
Please don’t hurt me  
I just want to be with someone  
But I push them all away  
Isn’t it terrible  
I can’t love, I can’t feel  
Yet I still cry my eyes out  
When you leave me  
My thoughts get to me  
And then I cry  
And then I just wish  
I could

Feel something  
I’m so sorry


	25. I Miss You (CLEAN)

I miss you  
Miss you so bad  
I don’t forget you  
Oh, it’s so sad  
I won’t see you again  
Or for a while, at least  
It’s depressing  
You were my bestie  
But now you’re gone  
I don’t even know  
If you’re okay or not  
Because we can’t talk  
I’m so sorry  
You’re my best friend  
And I miss you so bad  
In the end…


	26. I Never Ask For Much (CLEAN)

I never ask for much  
I never even ask for love  
I don’t want to feel  
I don’t want to care  
But I do anyway  
I wish you knew  
How much I cared  
Love, I don’t dare  
Obsession’s the only thing I know  
All this goes to show  
I’m just a monster  
That’s just me  
Society’s telling me to change  
But at the same time  
Why don’t you just stay the same?  
You’re perfect  
I’m not  
We’ve all got our flaws  
But mine, you see  
Are the worst of all  
Under a pretty face  
Behind a smile  
Is a monster  
Coming after you  
Set my demons lose  
Loose on me  
But maybe  
On you


	27. If I Closed My Eyes (EXPLICIT)

Maybe if I closed my eyes  
I wouldn’t cry so hard  
Let the tears fall from my eyes  
Through my hands  
Onto the ground  
Maybe if I close my eyes  
Maybe the pain would fade  
Maybe they wouldn’t see me crying  
Wait, on the inside I’m hiding  
A broken heart  
A shattered dream  
Something dreadful  
Someone’s screaming  
Inside my head  
They want you dead  
You should kill yourself, please  
Don’t hurt me  
I’m scared of judgement  
Scared to be alone  
This fear  
Inside my mind  
Rising and consuming me  
My broken dreams  
The nonexistent hope  
Maybe things will get better  
But no  
They get worse  
The torture  
The pain  
Bleeding on the inside  
Dying mentally  
You can’t trust him  
Whisper the voices inside  
They read your journal  
There’s nowhere left to hide  
These terrible thoughts  
Things I wouldn’t think  
If someone was looking  
Inside my brain  
So sad  
So depressed  
They sat to me  
When they see me   
Lying broken  
In my dreams  
You’re there too  
Not crying with me  
But crying because of something  
No one can see  
Inside me  
The darker side  
Where dreams are lost  
Where anger sleeps  
And secrets don’t keep  
Memories inside  
Waiting to be let out  
By me  
By you  
Who knows  
But they’re dangerous  
To expose  
So please  
Before you let them out  
Think of the others  
That’ll hurt  
By the things you let loose


	28. If I Had One Superpower (CLEAN)

If I had one superpower  
It would be the ability to not care  
Not care about you  
Not care about me  
Free to be  
Myself at last  
Not a care in the world  
But alas, you see  
I care all too much  
I cared about you  
Look where it got me  
In too deep  
I tried not to care  
But really, I did  
In the end  
I fell for you  
I fell hard  
Crashing to the ground  
Where are my wings?  
They’re broken, dear  
But I’ll give mine to you  
So don’t despair  
If your wings are broken  
Please take mine so yours can open  
I’ll stay by your side  
Through the night  
I don’t care if you’re messed up  
‘Cause I am too   
So please, remember me  
My dear, don’t fall  
You’re the greatest  
Of them all  
The fall was taken  
By me, by you  
I care, I do, I do  
I wish I didn’t  
But I do  
I’m so used to being punished   
For feeling something  
Do I dare call this love?  
No, I don’t   
But it isn’t obsession  
I can’t put my feelings into words  
So I put them on paper  
Don’t leave, don’t leave  
I don’t want to be lonely  
I can’t help wondering if this   
Is the last time that I’ll see your face  
Your tears are just the pouring rain  
Wish I could say something  
Something that doesn’t sound insane  
But lately, I don’t trust my brain  
You tell me that I’ll never change  
So I just say nothing  
I wish I said hi  
When you said my name  
Those would’ve been my last words to you  
No goodbyes  
I know I’ll never see you again  
But, I mean, it’s fair, I guess  
I cried over you  
I don’t want to be obsessed  
I’m not, I swear  
But everyone says  
“You can’t love”  
I can’t, really  
They all look at me in pity  
“What a monster”  
They say to me  
“Incapable of loving”  
“Leave it be”  
You’re the only person  
Who’s ever called me beautiful  
So childish, so innocent  
The way you said it  
Made me laugh  
Tears pouring down my face  
Like raindrops  
Damn, if only you knew  
How much I  
Cared about   
You


	29. I'm Sorry (CLEAN)

I’m sorry  
For all the times  
I fell apart  
Into little pieces on the ground  
I’m sorry  
For all the times   
You had to pick me up  
To dust me off  
To help me off the ground  
I’m sorry  
For all the times   
I couldn’t help you  
When you fell down  
I’m sorry  
For all the times  
I screwed things up  
I’m sorry  
I wasn’t there for you  
When you were there for me  
I’m sorry  
I can’t help you  
I’m sorry  
If it’s too late  
To try and salvage  
What’s left of us  
I’m sorry  
For being a screw-up  
I’m sorry  
For not being enough  
I’m sorry  
That I’m new to this  
I’m sorry  
That I let you down  
I’m sorry  
You couldn’t forgive me  
For all the times I slipped up  
For all the times I fell down  
I’m just starting to walk  
I’m sorry  
For trying to fix you  
When you didn’t want my help  
I’m sorry  
For being so needy  
For wanting to be your friend  
I’m sorry  
That I wasn’t good enough  
For you, for me, for anyone  
I’m sorry  
You had to fix me  
I’m sorry  
You had to try  
It’s not your fault  
Now   
My friend  
Goodbye


	30. It's So Sad

It’s so sad  
To think  
We won’t ever cross paths  
I’ll never see you again  
But that’s alright  
It’s what I deserve  
I feel so bad  
I screwed it up for me  
Screwed it up for you  
I didn’t mean  
To make you feel bad  
I didn’t mean  
To break your heart  
But I broke mine instead  
I screw everyone up, don’t I?  
Please don’t leave  
I don’t want to be alone  
I don’t have a choice  
I’ve got to go  
Home, but is it  
Without you?  
I know it’s bad  
But I think  
I’m in love  
With you


	31. Let Go (EXPLICIT)

I can’t get a grip  
And I can’t let go  
It’s just so hard  
To show  
My emotions  
In front  
Of you  
I wish  
You knew  
How much I care  
About you  
Cold  
No emotion  
Toward me  
Hate  
Boiling hot  
Toward me  
I tried to fucking hard  
To keep you in my hands  
But you slipped out of my grasp  
And now you’re gone  
And I don’t give a shit  
What they think  
But deep down  
I care what you say  
Behind my back  
It hurts, it does  
More than I can handle  
I want to die  
When I’m not with you  
I don’t want to   
Be alone  
Be hated  
Shunned  
Rejected  
Demonized  
I’m not human to them  
I’m a demon  
I’m a monster  
Call me fag  
Queer  
Retard  
Bitch  
Slut  
Whore  
Ugly  
Fat  
Tell me to kill myself  
I don’t care  
I just fucking don’t  
It doesn’t hurt anymore  
Nothing does  
The cuts sure don’t  
It’s so weird  
How this works  
You can be ugly on the inside  
And be worshipped  
And can be the same  
And be shunned  
Like me  
Sometimes  
It hurts  
But I don’t show it  
If I give a reaction  
It gets worse  
Move vicious  
The taunting  
Bullying  
Beating  
Don’t scream when they hit you  
Keep it quiet  
Just shut up  
It’s better that way  
Don’t tell what they do to you  
Stay silent  
Let it continue  
It’ll get better  
They say  
But really, it won’t  
That’s why people kill themselves  
Because sometimes it doesn’t get better  
Sometimes  
It  
Gets  
Worse


	32. Monster (EXPLICIT)

I’m a monster  
A demon  
Twisted deep inside  
You can see my pain  
Just look into my eyes  
Ha, I tricked you  
They’re empty  
Like I am inside  
The voices get loud  
These depressing thoughts inside  
My head  
Growing and growing  
Take those pills  
Jump  
Fly away, fly  
Float above the ground  
Far, far away  
Away from my demons  
Away from the pain  
Away from the torment  
Away from everything  
They’re coming, they’re coming  
You whisper to yourself  
They’re coming to get you  
To put you down  
You’re just a monster to them  
A demon  
Inside  
You can see the pain  
Just look into my eyes  
You can see it, can’t you?  
My bloodred eyes  
The light flickers inside  
Then it dies  
My soul  
Nothing left  
My heart  
All but gone  
My mind  
Lost in chaos  
Inside me  
Can’t you see?  
I’m gone already


	33. Nervous (CLEAN)

You make me so nervous  
When I talk to you  
These butterflies in my stomach  
Turn into birds  
You make me so happy  
I don’t want to leave  
Nothing else makes me feel better  
But the comfort you give me  
Just being around you  
Raises my spirits  
Oh my god  
I don’t know if I can do this  
I don’t want to hurt you  
I just want to express  
My feelings for you  
It’s so hard, yet  
I care so much  
I’m sorry  
But I do  
Nothing will change these feelings  
I have   
For you


	34. Never Care About Me (CLEAN)

You’ll never care about me  
In the same way  
I care about you  
I’m so lonely  
I wish you would care  
But you just don’t   
It’s sad to think  
I won’t see you again  
After I discharge  
What then?  
I care about you  
I care too much  
Then I have to leave  
Being free  
Isn’t the same  
Without you  
We’ll never talk  
Never again  
I won’t see your face  
Ever again  
I feel for you  
I know I shouldn’t   
But I do  
I just couldn’t   
Keep it in  
The guilt consumes me  
The feelings will never be returned  
From you to me  
Why am I so lonely?  
Oh yeah, that’s right  
I’m obsessive  
Over all the wrong things  
It’ so wrong of me  
To love you  
Wait, I can’t use that word  
It’s a feeling I can’t feel  
But I do  
I have these feelings   
For you


	35. Offend Me (EXPLICIT)

Don’t worry, you didn’t offend me  
When you called me a bitch  
When you hit me  
I didn’t give a shit!  
All your insults  
All your words  
Fly off me  
Just like birds!  
I don’t give a fuck  
What you say  
I’m sorry that you feel this way  
Towards me  
Hate  
BOILING HOT!  
What you feel  
Ain’t my problem  
Maybe I care  
Maybe I don’t  
Either way  
It doesn’t hurt  
When you don’t give a fuck  
When your time’s up  
When you don’t care at all  
When you fall  
Slipping away from reality  
Hiding in your mind  
Pretending nothing’s real  
Don’t worry, you didn’t offend me  
When you pushed me against that wall  
You’re so fucking tall  
I know you don’t feel  
We got something in common  
But just so you know  
I don’t really care  
What you do to me  
Hit me  
Force me to my knees  
It hurts  
On the inside  
It does, it does  
But I pretend  
What is the real cause?  
I think not  
I’ll leave the rest up to you  
For you to decide  
What is the truth  
And what  
Is the lie


	36. Please Don't Hurt Me (CLEAN)

Please don’t hurt me  
Why do I ask?  
We both know how this ends  
At the last  
Time you saw me  
Unable to speak  
I wish I could tell you how I feel  
But I’m silent, quiet  
Can’t say a word  
Without getting hurt  
My heart’s been broken  
Too many times  
I want to stop living a lie  
A lie that someone’s  
There for me  
Truth is that nobody’s there for me  
Nobody cares  
But maybe you do  
My best friend  
You told me to stop  
Please don’t end  
This life you’re living  
There’s nothing better  
Than you and me  
Together  
Scratch that last part  
We’ll never be  
What I feel  
Inside me  
I want you to care  
You might, or not  
You told me you care  
But really, do you?  
You pretend you know me  
Everyone does  
But nobody notices me  
Nobody will talk to me  
They tell me to go away  
I guess it’s fair  
I screwed it up  
For you, for me, for everyone  
I’m sorry, so sorry  
I didn’t mean to hurt you  
Please don’t leave me  
You’re all I have left  
My best friend…


	37. Pretend (EXPLICIT)

It’s easy to pretend  
Pretend you’re not falling apart  
On the inside  
I pretend a lot  
I can’t pretend anymore  
Pretend   
That I’m not broken  
Pretend  
You didn’t hurt me  
With your words  
Pretending  
I’m okay  
Pretending  
I want to live  
To see another day  
Pretending to be fine  
When, on the inside  
I’m not in control  
I pretend a lot


	38. Real Boy (CLEAN)

If I were a real boy  
I wouldn’t wear a chest binder  
If I were a real boy  
I wouldn’t get yelled at  
When I walk into the “wrong bathroom”  
If I were a real boy  
People wouldn’t call me she  
If I were a real boy  
Maybe you would love me  
You said to me  
“I only like real boys”  
Do you know how much that hurts?  
No, you don’t  
‘Cause you’re not me  
You can’t see  
How much your words affect me  
I’ll never be  
What you wanted…


	39. Restriction (EXPLICIT)

Sometimes I think restriction is like detention  
You cry the first time  
Then you don’t   
Sometimes I think restriction is like cutting  
It hurts the first time  
Then you stop feeling  
Sometimes I think restriction is like getting restrained  
You care the first time  
Then you stop caring  
Every single day  
The monster inside my head  
Screaming to let go  
To not care  
Do what I want  
Not go anywhere  
Hit someone   
I need to tell someone  
What I’m thinking  
Someone to confide in  
I try  
I just freak them out  
One blocked me  
One nearly got me sent to court  
Another one got me in treatment  
The fourth one  
Got me put on restriction  
They read my journal  
They fucking read it  
I thought it was safe  
To put things on paper  
I was obviously wrong  
Nothing’s safe here


	40. Sometimes I Wish (CLEAN)

Sometimes I wish  
Someone’s demons  
Would dance with my own  
Sometimes I wish  
I had someone’s hand to hold  
Sometimes I wish  
I could look into your eyes  
One last time  
I want to let my monsters free  
Set them on you  
Let you feel the pain I felt  
When you left me  
If my demons were free  
Maybe the pain would stop  
The pain inside my head  
The pain inside my heart  
It’s so hard  
To keep these terrors in  
It’d be so easy  
To let go  
Of reality  
Sink into the black nothingness  
Of the black abyss  
The black hole  
That is my heart  
Or where it used to be  
You took that from me  
So long ago  
I don’t want to hurt you  
I just want to go  
I want to be with you  
Through the rain and snow  
Through the ups and downs  
Through the night  
Through everything  
You and me  
Just please  
Remember that I care  
Care about you  
You don’t care about me  
Slip into the darkness   
Away from everything  
Take you with me  
Forever together  
There’s an ex in next  
There’s an end in friend  
There’s an over in lover  
And there’s nothing left


	41. Sorry (EXPLICIT)

I’m sorry  
For all the tears  
I’m sorry  
For all the pain  
I’m sorry  
It had to be this way  
I’m sorry  
That I gave in  
To my demons  
The monsters  
The tears  
The pain  
The heartbreak  
I wish  
We could be okay  
For just one day  
I wish  
We could be friends  
I wish  
My demons  
Would go away  
I wish  
That I could see you again  
I’m sorry  
That I couldn’t get to you  
I’m sorry  
That I had to leave you  
I’m sorry  
That I wasn’t there  
I’m sorry  
That I couldn’t stop you  
I’m sorry  
That I couldn’t save you  
I’m sorry  
That you did it  
I’m sorry  
That you’re gone  
I’m sorry  
That you had to end it  
I’m sorry  
But you’re gone  
I’m sorry  
That I got that bad  
It’ll be okay  
Maybe not today  
Maybe not tomorrow  
But eventually  
It will be  
Just listen to me  
It’s too late  
You can’t save me   
I’m already gone  
Already there  
Already lost  
I’m sorry  
That you feel this way  
I’m sorry  
To this day  
That I let you slip through my fingers  
That I let you get away  
I’m sorry  
That you decided it was the end  
I’m sorry  
That I let you down


	42. sUiCidE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just don't read this chapter

Sometimes you just want to die  
Stick a knife through your eye  
Slit your wrists  
Swallow some pills  
Put a gun to your head  
Pull the trigger  
And then you’re dead  
Sometimes you just want to die  
Disappear into the night  
Please don’t come after me  
Leave my monsters behind  
I wish I had someone  
Someone whose demons   
Would dance with my own  
Someone whose hand I could hold  
Nobody  
That’s who  
Nobody will come after me  
Fled into the night   
Never to be seen  
So here, I lay  
Under the stars  
Alone  
With my suicidal thoughts


	43. That's Not How The World Works (CLEAN)

“That’s not how the world works, sweetheart”  
You said to me  
I miss those times  
Those times we talked  
Will never happen again  
I messed it up  
I’m sorry I’m not  
What you wanted  
What you needed  
I’m sorry  
For being me  
For screwing up  
I’ll never be  
A boy to you  
I’m just a girl  
A girl you don’t care for  
I didn’t want to hurt you  
I’m sorry for all the pain  
I’m sorry  
It had to be this way  
I’m sorry  
For everything  
Bye, my baby


	44. The L-Word (CLEAN)

The L-word  
Is off-limits  
If you can’t feel it   
Better not use it  
But I do feel  
I contradict myself  
I want to  
But it’s so complicated  
The L-word is what I feel for you  
But I can’t tell you that  
It’s so wrong  
I’m much younger, yet  
I care about you  
More than myself  
I don’t want to hurt you  
I’m a bit fixated  
But not obsessed  
I can’t help but like you  
You’re so gorgeous   
But I can’t tell you that  
I wish I could  
But I can’t   
Please don’t feel bad  
It’s not your fault  
I feel so horrible  
I can’t anymore  
I’m so sorry  
For feeling  
The way I do  
For you


	45. Untitled (EXPLICIT)

He misses me  
I miss him back  
What the fuck is wrong with that  
Can’t they see  
It’s meant to be  
But no  
Who could love me?  
Nobody, that’s who  
I remember that day  
The day I left  
That day   
It went by too fast  
I’ll never see him again  
That’s a fact  
Now that the days have come to pass  
I realize  
How much I needed him  
How much he needed me  
How it has taken over both of us  
Tearing us apart  
Now there’s a you  
Now there’s a me  
Now there’s no us  
Not anymore  
Our friendship  
Ripped apart  
By things neither of us could control  
It’ll never be the same  
Not without you  
Nothing I can do  
Can fix this  
This rift  
Between us  
The space  
The empty space  
Where nothing is left of us  
God, I can’t remember  
What it was like  
To love someone  
To have someone’s demons play with mine  
To hold a hand  
To look into the eyes of another  
Will I ever feel that again?  
Never  
They would never let it happen  
No way  
We’ll ever be okay  
Ever again  
Not after this   
I miss you  
So, so bad  
I’m depressed without you  
It’ll never be the same  
Not without you  
Please don’t leave me  
I’m so scared of being hurt  
So scared of judgement  
So scared of being alone  
Please stay  
But you can’t   
It’s never enough time  
I can’t see you  
What will I do without you?  
What will you do without me?  
Kill yourself, probably  
Please hold on  
You’ve got so much left  
I know I’m gone  
But don’t be depressed  
One day   
Maybe  
We’ll see each other again  
If we don’t  
Please don’t hurt yourself  
You’ve got so much left to live for  
Unlike me  
You have a life  
And a family  
They care, really, they do  
I know that  
‘Cause I do too  
Just hold on  
For me  
For you  
For us

Don’t ever let go


	46. What Hurts The Most (EXPLICIT)

Sticks and stones may break these bones  
But words hurt the most  
They drive you to create the scars  
That’re the worst  
I’m chasing something  
I’ll never get  
A hopeless chase  
No end  
Trying to find love  
When you can’t   
An unlovable creature  
Nowhere left to hide  
The broken heart inside  
Sometimes I think  
I should just shut up and let them hit me  
Other times  
I think I should do it myself  
Inflict these bruises  
Create these scars  
Cover your wrists in scars  
Without forgiveness  
When you reach your breaking point  
You know it  
When it’s time to end it all  
When it’s time to let go  
To say a final goodbye  
Sticks and stones may break these bones  
But your words break my heart  
I think  
It’s time for us to part


	47. What If Every Time (CLEAN)

What if every time you had to use the bathroom  
You had a choice  
You could go in the girl’s room  
And get screamed at  
You could go in the boy’s room  
And get beat up  
The lines are blurred  
Between male and female  
Which one are you?  
If you were a real boy  
You could go in there  
Who are you?  
Torn between  
Male and female  
Boy and girl  
She and he  
Him and her  
Maybe if I were a real boy  
You would love me  
But can’t you see I’m not  
I might use the boy’s bathroom  
I might go by he  
I might bind my chest  
But I’ll never be  
What you wanted


	48. Why Do You Care (EXPLICIT)

Sometimes I wonder  
If someone would care if I died  
Sometimes I wonder  
What it would be like to be restrained  
Painful?  
Terrifying?  
Satisfactory?  
Absolutely amazing?  
I want to bang my head  
Scream my lungs out  
Hit someone  
Then I would get restrained  
It’d be great  
To lose control  
It’s so hard  
To keep my monsters in check  
I want  
Someone’s demons  
To play with mine  
I want  
Someone’s hand  
Inside of mine  
I want someone to love me  
I want someone to care  
But nobody does  
If nobody cares  
Why do you?


	49. Why Nobody Cares

Nobody cares  
He said to me  
Kill yourself  
Die in a hole  
You’re a bitch  
You’re a whore  
You deserve to die  
After what you did  
In his eyes  
There’s no forgiveness  
Fuck you  
He said to me  
After shoving me  
Against the wall  
Hard  
I couldn’t walk  
I couldn’t breathe  
After what he did to me  
His name is Karson Koster  
Jeren Ennen  
Tavyn May  
And Kaden Rodgers  
They hit me with a basketball  
In science class  
No one cared at all  
The teacher was looking  
The students too  
Nobody made a fucking move  
To try and help me  
Against the sharp edge of a desk  
Thrown against a wall  
They could see  
They all could  
Throw a stool at my head  
I do not care at all!  
Neither did they  
I can see  
Nobody cares  
About me  
Since that day  
The nightmares  
They haunt me  
Beaten to the brink of death  
Bruises on my body  
Killed by the fear and hate inside  
There goes my hope  
Of being safe  
Of feeling secure  
Ever  
They know what they did  
It’s so hard to forgive  
Someone who hurt you  
Like that  
Physically   
Mentally  
Emotionally  
Breaking you down  
Word by word  
Bruise by bruise  
Tearing you apart  
I didn’t scream  
I didn’t run  
I didn’t cry  
I stopped fighting  
I stopped feeling  
I kept it quiet  
For a year  
I want it to stop  
Stop it all  
Stop the pain  
Stop the hurt  
Get rid of these scars  
Get rid of the bruises  
From all the people who hit me  
Choked me  
Pushed me down  
Picked me up  
Slapped me  
Slammed me  
Beat me  
All those people  
Who put me down  
The girl who held me down  
Hurt me  
In ways  
I don’t want to remember  
The boys  
Who shoved me around  
Until I couldn’t walk  
The boy  
Who threw me against the ground  
Because I got too close  
Those people  
Who called me fag  
Bitch  
Queer  
Whore  
Fuck-up  
Ugly  
Retard  
Fat  
Told me to kill myself  
Breaking me  
Beating me  
Making me want to die  
The pain  
It overwhelmed me  
Until I decided   
To do it  
I obviously didn’t try very hard  
Because I’m writing this  
I tried  
I really did  
I thought it would make them happy  
If I killed myself  
I saw no remorse in your eyes  
When I told them  
Fuck it  
FUCK IT ALL  
IF PEOPLE SERIOUSLY THINK IT’S OKAY TO PUSH SOMEONE TO HE BRINK OF SUICIDE  
THEY’RE MORE INSANE  
THAN ME!


	50. You Say It's All Good (CLEAN)

You say  
It’s all good  
But is it really?  
It’s all good  
That’s what my therapists say  
Obsessive   
Is all I am  
Or is it?  
If you can’t see  
Everything’s gonna be alright  
Everything’s gonna be just fine  
But is that true?  
When I’m not with you  
I’m sorry  
So sorry  
I’m sorry for all the pain  
I’m sorry it had to be this way  
Please don’t give in   
Just don’t give up  
I wish I could say  
I love you  
I do, I do  
I just can’t express it  
In the right ways  
You don’t even like me  
Let alone love  
You say it’s all good  
But is it really?  
You asked me a tough question  
The real answer to  
“Are you over me?”  
Is no  
I’m not   
I care about you  
In ways that I shouldn’t   
I care, I care  
Please don’t leave  
I’m so scared of being lonely  
345 days of being alone  
With no one’s hand to hold  
I understand why  
But still I cry  
I cry a lot  
Cry over you  
Cry over me  
The things I’ve done  
I pretend it doesn’t hurt  
But really, it does  
So dear, don’t leave  
Darling, you’re not alone  
Home is where the heart is   
Does this make you my home?


End file.
